London Bridge ?!

The winds are like the winds at home. The earth is similar to the earth at home. The sun that rises is the sun that sets just like home. It’s almost like home but not quite.  

 There is no blast of noises from the ongoing religious festivals, there is no traffic that would put car companies to shame and there is no one underprivileged enough to beg for change.

The constant calls and meetings from the boyfriend are now empty slots in time filled by nothing-ness or an occasional webcam hello. The best friend is not there for support and when in need, finds himself mostly disappointed.

The racket created by N and S for watching vague movies has been lost in the winds far away.

4447 miles away. Or maybe even more.

The view is perfect- the snow is white. You’re probably in the best company, as the strangers may not be as strange as you might think. They talk, laugh and cry just like you.

The University is a treat to the eyes, just like sweet candy sending warm sensations down your taste buds. It’s big, bigger than anything I have known. It’s big in every way. Size, variation, culture, lecture rooms. I think I was in love at first sight and then I got lost.

And fell even further in love.

Brunel is my new lover. And my aim is to please it.

The men are well, like men anywhere else but probably taller. They all seem to be of various types but all from the same species that cannot be trusted- male. There are some with perfect eyes and smiles and then some that make me realise how lucky I am to have a handsome boyfriend.

It’s almost like home but not quite.  

I miss everyone. 

But I love it here.

Can’t wait for you to join me.

Diseased Peace.

complication of words, collection of blood, connection to hell, command of drug, controversy in the air, catalog of hate, compose life, control my faith, check my pulse, chant my prayer, compete my fear, console me, my tear.
constraint my mind, consist of you in mine, cheer me on every weep
cautious love, diseased peace.

He means the world to me and he doesn’t even know it.

It’s uncertain how things began. Maybe with the big bang theory? (Or maybe not)

There are many things you need to know, understand and accept. I know you knew that.

And then there are things that are made known to you- without your doing- like a marvel. Something like a phenomenon.

The pavement was cold. Not like an aloof chill but more of a comfortable frost.

The hair rested on the concrete. They were practically in love. The hair never felt so comfortable in someone else’s arms before. This was definitely love.

The body on the contrary seemed formal. The concrete was not a known friend. She had only switched between beds and couches before. This was such a situation.

The hand was in his. Their hands were together. Another knot, another promise. She hoped not to be broken. Or were promises meant to be wrecked? Nevermind.

The moon would glow. This was the brightest glow in the universe to her. Such peace and calm transmitted through the skies straight into her heart. This was beauty. This is what they call beautiful.

Speaking of beautiful- he was beautiful. So handsome, so lovely, so sinned but so pure. The complete contrast of the world was in him. And to her he was the world. She wasn’t the kinds blown away by love but there was something changing- the winds of change were blowing her away and she would hold on to his hand for security. For this is where she felt happiest.

Happy New Year.

Maybe this Christmas will mean something more.

It turns out that as we grow older our power to believe becomes decayed and diminished. As we change duck swim suits for lacy lingerie our pursuit of happiness becomes limited. Limited to physical pleasures where there is no room for spiritual miracles. Ah, the life of an adult- more chained than that of a child.

Don’t stop believing.

This was a very merry and special Christmas to me. Special in a way that I forgot the holiday spirit. And merry because there was someone to remind me of it.

Very late but still here- a very merry Christmas.

 

Like a shooting star.

She sat on the cold slab of pavement and she looked like a firefly in the night. Her dress twinkled, as though God himself had generously wrapped her in stars. And in those heels she could be the moon goddess. But she really was not.

I have a theory that states: in the day, if you stand in the middle of the street no one will notice you in this city. Notice may mean several things to you but notice as I speak of- it is glimpsing at someone’s soul. No one will do it.  

In the night when she stood beneath the sky; dark as dark could be- she was ready to be noticed and her soul was on sale along with her body.

The best was when one of them hit her in the face and dragged her to the car. That was the best. At least his intentions were clear, unlike many who smiled and then ripped you apart.

Wearing a facade of flesh and a wig of hair did not protect her. This would not make them look at her differently. She still cannot be as innocent as his daughter or as daunting as his wife- she can only be as easy as a whore.

Even though flesh is shielding it is easily scraped.

When the lights flash, you have the call of duty. You may not err. You must please: For it will be the only thing that will keep food in your belly and heroin in your blood.

We don’t cry because we don’t believe. We don’t hurt because we have given up on sensation. We don’t attempt because in our mind we have failed.

 

Like a Disney movie.

I wish it was like the movies. You pop in the DVD or of course illegally buffer it and there you have prepared yourself for a journey with ups and downs but eventually a happy ending. Isn’t that just beautiful? Sitting by a screen and just watching life pass by with of course a promise of a great ending, a perfect ending or at least one that is meaningful even if tragic. Case in point Titanic.

But it’s not like the movies. In life we don’t get that assurance ticket. No, you cannot pay your way through a good time, [unless you’re government is corrupted]. But you know what I mean. No- pay up here to get an orgasm. Life is not like the cinemas- it doesn’t last 1 hour 28 minutes- sometimes it just lasts a few days and sometimes seventy years. It doesn’t have perfectly sketched out characters and amazing camera angles. It just has angles and maybe acne.

Life as we know it. We don’t know it.

But the question is are you the one who will watch the movie and be pleased by existence or are you going to make your moment count?

The sun is up. The sky is blue. It’s beautiful- and so are you.

The accidental surfer.

When the waves are upcoming and the water is about to sting you like a million assaults- what is that may go on in your head? Are you dizzy from the enormous and overwhelming sight of the attacker? Or are you simply still, unaware of what the consequences of the strike will be on your body, mind and soul?

London is where I got accepted. London is what you make of it.

The sun rays are no more the comfort which made you feel warm but are the burden that makes your head spin. The rain is not appealing but merely falling. The autumn leaves sweep by you and you modestly don’t look.

I am the happiest person right now. I have an amazing boyfriend and an amazing career. I have wonderful friends and an incredible family. But I still cannot feel the full force of this mind blowing combination because I have to leave it all and move away.

But the surfer is not content with accomplishing waves that have been granted to him by the ocean. The surfer like every other human being is driven by greed and ambition. Just because you have it all, does not mean you stop looking. 

And sometimes, if you get really lucky, there is a divine intervention and your path is laid down for you and this path may just be an acceptance letter from Brunel University.

Asshole- right there!

Sometimes I think they look at me and wonder- she is dating an asshole, what a pity, she deserves better. Correct me if I am mistaken- how many times have we all judged, pointed and dissected another person’s love life or to be accurate boyfriend?

While sipping our cosmos or loading up the daily coffee intake- we are all constantly picking and destroying the little respected image our friends, colleagues or acquaintances try to frame for their boyfriends who they dearly love. But for us- selfish, bitter and man-hating women it takes about one mistake from her boyfriend for him to become the devil .

Thankyou for being you.

I want to take this time, to thank my boyfriend. This is not a regular act I do. Actually, sometimes or probably most of the times I completely forget how grateful I am to him. And in these times I am indulging in emotions more significant to me in that moment- lust-anger-confusion.

But these emotions if you contemplate with a rational mind (which I never have) and a pure heart (which is rare) are not significant at all but simply destructive. Then why indulge? Maybe because the leaves must fall after they bloom and then bloom again. The autumn of our day.

 I don’t know why. But I will get back to you on that.

Wherever you are in the world, whoever you are- don’t forget to be grateful to the ones you love. For these are the people with whom the memories and relationships you share that count the most. These are the people who gift you with supreme positive discrimination every day. Forgiveness and acceptance.

With them today, tomorrow and forever will be journey of spiritual growth. This growth will involve massive blows to the groin and lot’s of laughs. Stand back, let the breeze blow through your hair- say a little prayer or take out your little texting machines and say thank you to someone, somewhere.

 Smile.

Love. Love. Absoulte Love.

I have always wondered about the power of love. The enigma, the strength and every other form of breathing passion it beholds. It can basically soar you so high that you feel on top of the world or drive you so down, that you will be able to see right up your ass and feel that kind of pain. Oh, love. Stop daunting us, you eternal mystery.  

It is the kind of emotion- – (or wait? With the power it holds I wouldn’t just call it an “emotion”. )

It is the kind of affection, appreciation, exhilaration and devastation that will conquer it all.

Your exhausted friends (case in point- S and N) will travel in the heat, dust and summer with you, for you and helping you shop, decorate and  bring to life something beautiful for someone they have never really known but someone who means something to you. Tear-jerking if you ask me.

Their love came across with their effort. And oh, I am so grateful. Love you, guys. Love. Love. Absolute love.

                                                                          ***

Where do I even begin about you?  You and I are a deadly combination, baby.

I will go out of my way to places you never thought I would. Anything to make you smile—because “you have a smile that could light up this entire town”.  Here on the web world- I love you, Mr.